Vincent Truman (vincenttruman.net)

THE VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND
by Vincent Truman

In case you are a woman with no boyfriend,
or your boyfriend is unavailable at this time,
this page is for you!

Just let your Virtual Boyfriend do all the work.

Picture yourself coming home from a hard day at work. There he is! He greets you at the door and says...

VB: Hi, honey, did you have a tough day?

Yes.No. (check the appropriate box)

VB: I understand. How is it that you look so beautiful after such a long day?

Thank you.Oh shut up.

VB: You know what? I bet you want to talk after such a hard day. Go ahead.

VB: Oh, my poor baby.

VB: Oh, my love. I understand.

VB: Uh-huh.

VB: Sure.

VB: I understand.

Thank you. No you don't.

VB: Would you like a little massage

Yes, please.No.

VB: Do you want some music? I've got some stupid shitreal stupid shitincredibly inappropriate shit.

Just talk to me. Anything's fine.

VB: I love you. I missed you today. I hate that we didn't talk much.

Me too.Shut up.I love you, too.I thought you were going to give me a massage.

VB: I understand.

I know, honey. Guess again.

VB: You know that last argument we had? Well, I want you to know that you were right and I was wrong.

Oh, honey, thank you. Took you long enough.

VB: What would you think about kissing tenderly?

Yes, I'd like that very much. No, do something else (note: pointing is permitted).

VB: OK. Does this feel good?

Hmmm, yes. It would if you had any perception of the female body.Tell me how much you want me.

VB: You know how much I want you? All the time?

I do... yes. Are you getting off me now?

VB: Do you like when I do this with my tongue?

Stop it. Oh, yes. Yes! Yesssss!Oh my god!!!! Yes!!!Oooooooh oh oh oh oh oh oh

VB: Faster? You want it faster?

Yes!!!! Yes!!!!!!!! Oh, baby. OH OH OH OH OH GAWWWWWDDDDD!!!!

The music swells. Your Virtual Boyfriend looks to you and says:

VB: That was nice. Did you... um...?

Oh, yes. Honey, couldn't you tell? Almost. Get off already.

VB: I understand. I love you. Always.

Me too.Uh-huh.

 

Now print out a copy of this page, schmutz with some Old Spice, and crawl into bed for a night of passionate dreaming!

 

VINCENT TRUMANet SITE DIRECTORY
THE VIRTUAL GIRLFRIEND MAIN PAGE SUSPICIOUS CLOWNS
POETRY MYSPACE THE THIN PINK LINE (a novel idea)
THE VIRTUAL BOYFRIEND A MUSING INDEX "UGLY BUNGALOW" (a book)

 

2007 Razor Spirits Music ASCAP